April 10, 2012 § 3 Comments
Things are getting easier.
Two months ago, I was at the point that I thought life was going to suck forever. Not that I didn’t love my kids or my husband, because I absolutely did/do. I appreciated the fact that my husband works hard so I can stay home and be a mom. That love and appreciation has always been there.
But when you stay home alone, with two kids two and under every day with hardly an opportunity to go out, it certainly makes life a little more difficult. It’s really easy to get into “pity party” mode. And then people say to you “women have been doing this since the beginning of time. Suck it up!”, well, that doesn’t make things any easier.
Then I admitted it. I admitted to my husband that I had been feeling this way for a long time. I don’t know why that changed things, but it did.
Now things are getting easier. I’m still home alone all day, every day, with two kids two and under. I’m still solely responsible for cooking, cleaning, bathing, grocery buying, bill paying, flower planting, life planning, and everything else a stay at home mom does. The kids still drive me nuts on a regular basis. But things are getting better.
I got an idea from a different blog I read, and I really wish I could remember which one, to set alarms on my phone. I thought it was genius, so I started doing it (and of course, I had to personalize ring tones for each alarm). At 9:30, my phone sings the Barney “Clean Up” song, to which my children immediately start dancing and tidying their toys (in my dream world). At 4:00, my phone starts to sing the “Cuppy Cake” song, by Shirley Temple, which is a reminder for me to prepare dinner. At 7:00 a.m., my phone gently wakes me up so I have 30 minutes alone to spend with God before the day begins. This one is the hardest for me, as I am NOT a morning person.
So things are getting better. I am: a) spending some alone time with God every day. b) trying to schedule myself and the kids a bit better so that there is an order to life. c) putting the computer away, and d) letting it go. I’m not a perfect mother. But I’m trying. I love my kids. I think they are the most precious gifts from God. I treasure them every day, even when they are running in circles yelling at the top of their lungs. If I’m still in my Tinkerbell pajamas as 8:30 a.m. (oh no no no, that wouldn’t be today…) so what? One kid is dressed. The other is still in jammies. They’ve eaten. They’re playing. Where is the “wrong” in that picture?
My new phrase… “so what?” It’s helping.
ADDED: I found the blog with the alarm idea. Here it is! Life In A Shoe