May 29, 2015 § Leave a comment
I know I’m supposed to write about how amazing it is, and how wonderful of an experience being a parent is. I should write about how much love I feel for my kiddos and how they make me feel complete. I should write about how my life now has purpose and that I’d be wandering in the desert without them.
But lets be honest. Before kids, my life did not revolve around poop, snacks, barf, and hiding in my closet to eat chocolate without having to share. Don’t misunderstand me – my kids are great and I love them. But my life did not turn into butterflies and rainbows the moment they were born. In fact, my life went from being focused on myself and my husband to focusing on a tiny boy who pooped and barfed everywhere. My husband still laughingly tells the story of our first son shooting poop into the foot of his sleeper – and missing his diaper entirely. Or my husband changing the diaper of our tiny little newborn, and getting poop shot all over him.
Having a baby doesn’t suddenly turn you into an angelic mother with a glowing aura around you. In fact, having a baby brings out the worst in you. It likely brings out the best as well, but what you see is the worst. And then you have another baby. And another baby. And another baby. And you see a lot of “worst”. I’ve never been known for my patience. And then I added three children in 4 ½ years. While I have learned a lot about patience and mine has gotten much better, I doubt it’s evident to most people that I have grown in that area.
Being a parent stretches you in the hardest ways possible. Several days ago, we had “one of those days” at my house. By dinnertime, my oldest son, age six, was giving me major attitude, and I didn’t deal with it properly. I should have sent him to his room to remove one of us from the situation. But since I didn’t, everything that came out of my mouth, came out in “yell”. My husband was upstairs showering, and could hear everything I was saying. And he could also hear the neighbours, who were sitting on their back porch, talking about me. So not only was I being stretched to be a better me (which I obviously failed at), but now I’m being stretched to put aside what people may say. Was I in the right to be yelling at my children? Absolutely not. But were they in the right to talk about me, having no concept of the situation? Absolutely not.
I feel like as parents, specifically as mothers, our job is to support one another. If you hear a mother yelling non-stop at her children, she probably needs a five minute breather – not a lecture on how to “chill out”. That mother is probably on the verge of bursting into tears, and could probably use a “Hey, you’re doing a great job – we all have those days”, rather than pointing out the horrible wrongs she is committing. That mom could probably use a coffee, a big fat chocolate bar, and a good cry. Rarely would that mom need someone pointing out how she should “chill out”. In that situation, my husband asked me “Did you realize you had gotten to the point that everything was coming out in ‘yell’?” And I genuinely had not even realized it. My husband gently reminded me that in that situation, I should have sent my son to his room to remove him from the situation.
I believe as parents, we are far too quick to judge one another. We are too quick to point out each others wrongdoings and too slow to help pick up the pieces. There’s the working moms club, and the stay at home moms club, and those two clubs judge one another. Then there’s the public/private/homeschool mom clubs, who also judge one another. There are helicopter moms vs hands off moms. There are controlling moms and there are not present moms. There are moms of big kids and moms of little kids. And all these moms judge one another. Rarely do they help one another.
Where did the village go? The saying is, “it takes a village to raise a child”. And I believe that. But in today’s society, moms are left on their own. Rarely does the village stand with the mom to help her through the challenges of parenting. Instead, the village judges the mom. And through that judgment, the mother’s job becomes more difficult. Not only is she struggling daily to do the right thing where her children are concerned, but she’s also struggling with the knowledge that every decision she makes for those children will be scrutinized by people who do not care enough to lift a finger and help.
Let’s create a village. Let’s stand with one another as mothers, and help one another through the struggles and challenges that we all face. Let’s watch one another with care and thoughtfulness, rather than judgment and disdain. The village starts with you. Be the village for those around you.
May 28, 2013 § Leave a comment
It’s hard being the minority.
My husband and I have decided to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. We realize that if these precious children that God has given us never learn to obey and respect us, they will never learn to obey and respect the Lord. We follow biblical principles of child-rearing. And in our tight Christian circles, we are the minority.
Our Christian society has been so influenced by the world around us that biblical principles have been left for “serious situations”, or “dangerous situations”. How did we, as a Christian society, get to the point where the Bible is only relevant when the situation is “serious”? When did it become up to us to decide what is serious and what is not? My child disobeying me deliberately is a serious issue. Treating their parents with disrespect is a serious issue. Treating others with disrespect is a serious issue.
75 years ago, we would have been a normal family. We would have been the same as everyone else. But now we are in the extreme minority. I know of one other family in our circle who believe as we do. And that’s all. How did this happen?
It hasn’t happened only with raising children. I believe our entire Christian society has become desensitised to the world around us. Our Christian community has become more open to things like couples living together before they are married, homosexual relationships, foul language, and dressing provocatively. These things have become somewhat commonplace in our Christian circles. Some us can clearly see the world’s influence in these situations, yet we don’t see any influence of the world in our “new” child raising practices.
50-75 years ago, children respected their parents. They listened and obeyed when spoken to. They grew up to love and honour their parents. I don’t see that anymore. I see children talking back to parents. I see parents negotiating with children. I see grown children disrespecting parents, and I see five year old children disrespecting parents. Why is it that we think the world’s way is better? Has it been successful? I certainly don’t see better results from them. So why do we take their attitude towards child raising? Do we want our children to talk back and disrespect us? I certainly don’t.
So as a part of becoming the family we want to be, I will stand in the minority. And I will follow God’s principles.
May 10, 2013 § Leave a comment
I am a Costco addict. There. I admitted it. I rarely shop at a regular grocery store anymore, and when I can’t find the time or energy to make it to Costco, I go a little bit nuts. Since our family lost a third of our income over a year ago, I had to really maximize our income in a lot of ways. One of the ways I’ve managed to save our family approximately $300/month is by shopping carefully at Costco. Here’s how.
Avoid the frozen, pre-made food aisles. This is how people walk out of Costco, having spent $300 and their cart is 1/3 of the way full. They purchase the pre-made foods. I admit, sometimes my husband and I splurge and buy ourselves a treat from those aisles – but only if there is an in-store special, and there is money left in the budget after picking up the necessities.
Know your prices. I can tell you, off the top of my head, how much nearly everything I buy costs at Costco. My family members will regularly come to me and ask me how much I spend on a certain item that they need, and had seen it at the regular grocery store, and they want to know if they can get it cheaper at Costco. Usually I can tell them. I know what’s a good deal, and what is not, just from experience. If you don’t have the experience yet, make a list!
Cook from scratch. This one will bug a lot of you, I know. And I understand that some of you work more than full time jobs in addition to coming home and taking care of a home and family. So I understand that all the things I do from scratch may not be possible for those of you who are not stay at home moms. But if you ARE a stay at home mom, and you and your husband have been trying to figure out how to save some money, this is a big one. Bread, at Costco, costs about $5/2 loaves for the cheapest bread. If you’ve got a couple of kids and a husband who take sandwhiches in their lunch and make toast for breakfast, you’re probably going through 4-5 loaves in a week. That’s $12.50/week just in bread. That’s approximately $55/month just on bread. I invested in a bread machine at first, and used that every day, and eventually moved towards making my bread in my KitchenAid mixer from scratch, making three loaves at a time. Each loaf costs me about $.30, buying my ingredients at Costco. So it costs me $6.50/month to bake my bread, and I save $48.50/month. And that’s just by baking bread, let alone the hundred other things I make instead of buying.
Take the time to split up your purchases. I buy ground beef and ground pork at Costco, the beef costing me about $3/lb, which here in Canada, is a pretty smoking deal. The pork is a bit less. And when I get home, I actually mix them together. Out of a package of beef and a package of pork, I get 12 meals, and it costs about $30. That’s $2.50/meal for a family of four.
Take advantage of deals and coupons. I’ve been on the lookout for a spring/fall coat for about 2 years. I didn’t want to pay $150, but I was willing to pay quite a bit for a coat I loved. We live in a very rainy climate, so something moderately water resistant was preferable. A few weeks ago, my husband and I were walking through Costco, and lo and behold, they had their spring coats on sale. A Calvin Klein, hip length, GORGEOUS red water resistant spring coat was regular priced at $50, which is a pretty good deal by itself. But it was on sale beyond that! I only paid $28 for that beautiful coat. Don’t let the deals pass you by, either. They won’t be there the next time you go. Even beware of some of the regular priced “deals”. Some of them won’t be there next time you go, either! I’m currently waiting patiently on a pasta attachment set for my KitchenAid mixer. It’s about a $300 value for everything included, and it’s at Costco for $100.
My husband and I also purchased our latest cell phones from Costco. When we got them, each phone had a promotion where you got a $100 gift card with the purchase of the phone. On a contract, the phones were only $50, so the store basically paid us to buy our phones. We used the extra $50 to buy the warranties on the phones.
There are my tips of the day. Obviously there are a lot of other guidelines I use at Costco, but those are my basics! My kids love going there for the hot dogs and free samples, and my husband even enjoys coming if I bribe him with a hot dog! The membership cost ($55) is saved by my family in one month. So it’s certainly worth it for us!
March 14, 2013 § 1 Comment
It’s time. Time to make a change.
For too long now, I’ve let life dictate my attitude, my well being, my actions, and my thoughts. Instead of me telling life what it will be for me, life has told me how I will survive.
Let me tell you, it hasn’t been pretty.
I’ve been grumpy, and sad. I’ve complained and whined. I’ve been tired and unproductive. I’ve let my children get the better of me. I’ve let the world around me get the better of me. I’ve been unhappy with everything, and an all around miserable person to be around. Oh sure, I blamed it on a lot of other things. And they are valid things. Big life changes. But none of it means I have the right to be grumpy and unhappy and unproductive.
It’s time for a change.
I’ve known for awhile that it’s time to make a change. But change means work. Changing your boring routine. Adding something you might not want to do. Like dig out your Bible and study books. Pray. Talk to God. Pulling out the big guns.
Talk. To. God.
So here I am. It’s the beginning of the end. The end of unhappy, grumpy, unproductive, sad, depressing me. Soon to be the happy-go-lucky, carefree, spontaneous me I used to be. I can’t wait to see her again.
August 28, 2012 § Leave a comment
The leaves have just begun to change here in the Pacific Northwest. It seems a little early, but it is what it is. And the changing leaves have reminded me of something. I had determined to live a life of change.
I have made a few changes. But it’s not the metamorphosis I was desiring, or expecting. I don’t know if I had higher expectations for myself than I should have, or I was too lazy to live up to my own expectations. But here we are, almost September, and what have I really changed?
Sure, I’m more domestic. I bake more, and I clean more and I cook more. But more often than not I still find myself in pyjamas at 11 a.m. I do spend a bit more time with God, but has it greatly and seriously made a difference in my life? Mostly because I’m not allowing it to. I do spend a bit more time with my kids, but I am still frustrated with them, and I still have days where I want to rip out my hair.
Does this mean I haven’t made the metamorphosis I was desiring? Not necessarily. I am a work in progress. I have realized that I’ve let the metamorphosis go. I haven’t been determined lately to make change. And that needs to change. Change must be made!
I’m not entirely certain what this looks like. But I know it involves working out. Ugh. I hate working out. And I know it involves a possible technology fast. I also know it involves a whole lot of willpower that I seem to have a hard time mustering up. It may also mean moving to a new house in a new location. Who knows? What I do know is that I am unhappy with my progress. I have not done what I set out to do. And that means something must change.
Where will the change take me? Your guess is as good as mine! Lets see where it goes.
August 10, 2012 § 1 Comment
This is my bread. I baked it. I didn’t use a breadmaker, I used my oven. And I did it all by myself.
Those of you who really know me, know that I’m typically not a baker. I don’t enjoy it. I think it’s too precise for me. I enjoy cooking where you add a dash of this and a dash of that and throw it in the oven for 20 minutes. Or maybe 40. Who cares?
I found a recipe for amazing artisan bread on Pinterest. I know… I’ve caught it. The Pinterest bug. There are minutes/hours/days that it completely consumes me. But in my defence, a lot of good things have come from my obsession. Like this amazing artisan bread that I made all by myself. And it was so easy!
4 ingredients. You can’t go wrong with 4 ingredients.
And then you let it rise for 18 hours. Or 19, in my case. And then you put ridiculous amounts of flour on your hands to get it out and turn into a sort of ball. And you let it rest in a heavily floured towel again for 1-2 hours. And then you preheat a really big cast iron dutch oven. And then you put the dough in. And then you bake it. Ta-Dah! Artisan bread.
Anybody else in awe of how easy baking can be? I am.
August 1, 2012 § Leave a comment
This is where I’ve been. Isn’t it gorgeous?
But we’re home now, and back to life. Why does it always seem harder to live right after you get home from a vacation? Whatever the reason, it certainly feels harder. The kids seem more disobedient, the house seems messier, and the chores seem greater. Life seems… busier than it ought to be.
All of this comes on the edge of my DH and I deciding we need to make some life changes to live a more simple life. We don’t want to raise our precious children to think that the only thing to life is technology. Obviously technology is important, but we want them to understand that you can actually grow your own food. And there are people and animals around you who are more important than checking your Facebook page. We want them to understand the value of hard work, and sowing and planting.
And then we went on vacation. To the family farm. Where there are cows, a garden, tractors, and a lot of space for them to run and play. And they adjusted! My precious city kids earned hardened callouses on their feet from playing outside on the gravel driveway barefoot. They learned to pee outside (as I shake my head in shame). They learned to let the dog lick their plates clean. They learned the joy of playing outside with acres and acres of freedom. And they loved every second of it.
A further reminder that city life is not always the life. It’s a life. But perhaps not the life for us.